iconAclass - For The Ones

Sometimes it's incredibly hard to write about a record, for numerous reasons. Just one example: what the fuck should I write about Black Flag or Fugazi or Rites of Spring that hasn't been said before? Or what could I write about your band's crappy demo without hurting your baby boy feelings? Writing about iconAclass has been just as hard. I have been a dälek fanboy for years and years, and Will Brooks is my brother from different mothers. But fuck being objective, especially when it comes to music and words.

iconAclass is the new solo effort from one of the dopest and illest contemporary MCs: dälek. So yes, you got it right: the group is called dälek, and the solo project is called iconAclass. I was confused, too. I think it's safe to say that dälek has changed my ways of listening to music - and not only HipHop, any genre basically. I always loved the fact how much they alienated your average HipHop listener. No, wait... I didn't love it. I just thought it was funny. It was just like Slayer being shrugged off by metal dudes for being "too extreme". Now that dälek (the group) is on hiatus, the Oktopus does MRC Riddims and dälek (the MC) does iconAclass.

Both For The Ones (the album) and I Got It (the EP) are masterpieces. And I could stop the review here, because you either get it or you don't. But let me delve in: the beats are simply incredible. No fancy gimmicks, no big ass production, no stolen samples - just solid kick ass beats as the groundwork for some of the most creative wordplay I have heard in HipHop for a long, long time. dälek is fucking angry ("I ain't mad, muthafuka / I'm rabid!") about the state of the world. And very obviously, things are going wrong: "95% of my crew go to stores to cash checks. 99% leave vexed." - but there are some things in life that make it all go good, things that help you through the struggle: "4 out 9 love the New York Mets. 2 my nigga get ill on them Technics decks."

It's a sad thing, but a proven fact: hard times help spawn great music: just remember Reagan era hardcore! "The wealthy done built their pearly gates. Out here evil takes so many shapes. We tend to meet early fates. Trust too many fakes. Idolize those who imitate. Bastardize all who create." For The Ones (and I Got It, too) are records that are on fire with passion and anger, not unlike the rage that Chuck D spat on vinyl with PE. dälek is a poet, no doubt about that. But the true poets have always yelled fire. (And, speaking of poetry and art in general: when was the last time you have heard an MC namedrop Geoffrey Chaucer, Lars von Trier, Pablo Picasso, and the Coen brothers?)

But what really counts at the end of the day is the music. There are crazy bangers on that album, slower jams like "Heat Down" on the EP, dirty Boom Bap jammers, you name it. DJ Motiv adds a few cuts and there, but they are never overdone and just add to the whole flavour. So well, I told you... this might be one the lamest reviews I have ever written. I just can't help it. These two records mean so much to me on a personal level that it's close to impossible to write something that makes sense to anyone who is not in my head. Thank you, Will Brooks! It means the world to me to be a part of this.

"Wack crews out flanked by the Massive. Last thing you say 'bout Deadverse is we passive."

www.deadverse.com
www.drugfrontrecords.com

Pygmy Lush - Old Friends / Des Ark - Don't Rock The Boat, Sink The Fucker

Cynical minds have been speaking about "trends" and "hypes" in punk rock, about an abundance of quieter and introspective music. I beg to differ. While it's certainly true, that a plaided shirt, a beard, and an acoustic guitar is quite the safe route to take for the past few years, there is an entirely alternate scene-within-a-scene out there, one that does not rely exclusively on songs about booze and heartbreak... at least not all the time.

Admittedly, it's easy and lazy to be throwing these two records in the same bin, just because they are quiet and came out on the same label at the same time, but fuck it. It makes for some good name dropping. Aimée Argote, the lady behind Des Ark had J Mascis produce one of her records, and members of Pygmy Lush used to be in bands such as Pg. 99, City of Caterpillar, and Majority Rule - all cornerstones in my record collection, and still: it doesn't mean anything at all at the end of the day. Just look at the ex-members tag from a different angle: J Mascis was in fucking Deep Wound of all bands. Shelby Cinca did the design for the Pygmy Lush album, and it's a far cry from Frodus. Dave Grohl was in Scream. Dave Mustaine was in Metallica. Told ya, fucking useless info!

The lowest common denominator for both records is the atmosphere: they both feel haunted. Haunted in the sense of an 8 track recorder on the floor boards of an old abandoned house in the middle of the night, with the sounds of the wind outside as an integral part of the music instead of a mistake. Haunted in the sense of carrying around the burden of sorrow and guilt, of love gone wrong and bad decisions, of lost lovers and lost friends. It's hard to put my finger on it, but beneath all the calm beauty in both records, there is something dark. I am no stranger to this.

Please let me make a statement: Des Ark sounds nothing like Pygmy Lush. These albums are not interchangeable, it's just that they have the same atmosphere - the same kind of atmosphere I can get out of Tom Waits' Closing Time or from The Jesus and Mary Chain's Darklands, to stretch the analogy even further. It's all a gloom of despair and alienation, but alive with pleasure and love and lust. This is the sound of the need to rest, to re-think, reminiscence and adjust, of the need for introspection and the screaming urge for expression at the same time.

99% of aging punks are nostalgic idiots full of shit. Pygmy Lush and Des Ark are the exception to the rule.

www.lovitt.com

Terrible Feelings - Impending Doom 7"

There are some bands with horrible names: Sex Pistols. Dayglo Abortions. Social Distortion. And the list goes on and on and on... but then again, for every single one of these verbal atrocities, there's a band name that just fucking nails it and gives you an idea about the sound: Nuclear Assault. Sick Of It All. Cro-Mags. Enter Terrible Feelings, a punk band from Sweden - the birthplace of melodramatic death metal and cheap ass furniture.

If you ask me (and even if you don't), they couldn't have picked a more apt name... their two songs on these seven inches of vinyl are spooky, angst ridden, sinister, melancholic - and, above all, PRETTY FUCKING CATCHY! There's hints of Agent Orange, Wire, and Redd Kross, and the vocals sound like a mix between Joan Jett (if she was doing power pop) and that woman from Life...But How To Live It? (is she was doing power pop).

I don't have a lot to say about these 6 minutes of power-pop-punk, except one thing: this is punk rock done right. Yes, it's possible. Even in 2011.

You can download the entire record for free (and many other kick ass releases from the boss punx at Sabotage and Taken By Surprise) here - but you should buy it.

Indoctrinate - Down-and-out (Demo 2010)

Shit, I can't even remember the last time when a band sent me their demo... I think it was around 1912 or something. On a shellac. But there's still punk bands, and to my surprise punk bands still make demos... anachronism rules. Big time. Well, at least in my punk world. (Fuck you.)

So let's see past the "packaging" (which is basically just a CD-R in an unprinted paper sleeve, which - to make things worse - looks like Papa Roach...) and let's see past the horrible band name as well... this could be anything. Skapunk maybe. Or metalcore. But let's pop the fucker in and... aha... interesting sample... holy shit! This is good! These kids thrash! Like fast and ugly! Speaking of ugly, the sound quality sucks, like 8 out of 10 on my personal suck-o-meter. But wait a minute... I stand corrected, because I actually like the sound. The sheer ugliness reminds me of one the few records from way back when that actually stood the test time. There's a little bit of D-beat here, some (how original!) Tragedy guitar wanking, death growls, you name it. The vocals are somewhere between Pushead and that Colohan dude you love to hate, the lyrics deal with all the things you'd expect and then some, but this is how it's supposed to be. Let someone else have the whiny bullshit. I am not going apeshit over this band (yet?), but I guess I will see them in a dirty stinking basement soon enough.

www.myspace.com/indoctrinateofficial

The Arrivals - Volatile Molotov

This band fucking rules. This album fucking rules. No, really. I am literally kicking my ass for sleeping on their first four (!) records. What the fuck has been wrong with me all these years?

A gentleman from Dillinger Four plays in this band. They are from Chicago and sound sometimes like that one band you have never heard of. No, the other band. But that's too obvious, isn't it? Phew. Fuck you. I knew it. All right, some more coffee, and then let me try to explain...

Any halfway decent rock and roll album needs an opener that kicks in with a bang (check). It needs melodies (check), punches (check), amazingly witty lyrics (check) that could be short stories (check) instead of classic rock blurbs about girls and cars. (Only one man can pull this shit of, and you all know that I am not talking about Mike Ness.) British pop influence (check) is always a plus, awesome vocals (check) can't hurt either.

So it's all there... a great fucking ass kicking rock and roll album with the potential to corrupt the morals of the youth in a fucking positive way, an album that's your best drinking companion, your co-pilot on night drives, awww... fuck it. Just rock and fucking roll, no bullshit. If you buy this record, you're probably going to hell. But you'll go to hell knowing that you made this world a better place and your life less miserable.

www.recessrecords.com

The Riot Before - Rebellion

Depending on which dictionary you use, growth is, among many other things "development from a simpler to a more complex stage", or "something that has grown or developed by or as if by a natural process".

Yes, people still use books to look up things. You know, those funny things with words on paper. Some people even still read books, even punks. And now get this: some punks even read books and put quotes from books in the liner notes of their albums. Ain't that weird? Duh!

Every once in a while, you come across a record that knocks off your feet, for whatever reason. Rebellion is one of these records for me, and yes, I will say it gladly: it's in my top ten of 2010. The title of this record is a fuck you in itself: you look at the cover artwork, you either catch yourself thinking "Ow, so these dudes have grown up, and they are angry about whatever", or, more likely: "Shit, they want to cash in on ths success of Anti-Flag". But my friend, you couldn't be further from the truth... let me explain:

Yes, in some ways this is about rebellion itself, because the music here is much harsher and angrier than on their previous record, but that's where the story ends. You are only scratching the surface here, which is cool, but you are missing out. Big time. So take the record title, and juxtapoze it against the Dostoyevsky quote in the insert:

"One can hardly live in rebellion, and I want to live."

The fists were buried in pockets, now they are clenched. Not swinging blindly, though - this is not a record about scene politics or punk rock gossip, this is a record about personal growth, and trying to find your place in a world you don't necessarily like - because "you need to leave from the edge of uncharted lands. / The dark spots on maps where no person has ever been before." This is a record about hope. Not sitting over beers, sighing, but getting the fuck up, doing what has to be done, getting out of whatever shithole you are in, literally or figuratively: a town, a relationship, a bad situation.

And the music? Oh wow. The first song on the record alone is a far cry from previous The Riot Before songs, more Jawbox than Ann Beretta, and probably not due to the fact that Mr J Robbins has been producing this. From a personal experience, I think it's safe to say that these gentlemen are men of taste (not always when it comes to footwear and belt buckles, though). And these gentlemen know how to write a good song. It is essentially pop punk, yes, but this is a not a four letter word. And fuck it, I just decided I'll not drop any reference points here.

Rebellion is a record that grows on you. It's a record that will love in six months, and a record that you will fully come to appreciate and understand in a year. (If you are me, at least.) Until then, it will be a good travel companion through the trials and tribulations of life. Oh, and the good times as well.

Up the book punx!

www.gunnerrecords.com
www.paperandplastick.com

Dirty Tactics - It Is What It Is

Don't you love it when you discover new bands and immediately come up with associations, whether you want it or not? Well, I know I do.

The title of this album reminds me of one of my all time favorite skateboard videos, and the band is from Philadelphia, so how could I not think of the Boss? (And no, I have never seen that movie, and I don't intend to. The idea of Tom Hanks as a gay lawyer sounds as appealing to me as a porn version of Forrest Gump. Thanks, but no thanks. No homophobia intended, but Tom Hanks?! I mean... come on!)

I don't know anything about Dirty Tactics' sexual orientations, but I can feel that they are no lawyers. They're punks. And they seem to be very fucking proud of it. Their music is fast, catchy, and melodic. Nothing that you haven't heard before, but that's the nature of punk rock. (And I am glad it is!) I am not particularly stoked about this record, it's not something I would recommend to everyone, but it makes me happy to know that it simply exists. It's a good record. It's fun to listen to. (LOUD!!!) I hear some One Man Army in a few of the songs, especially when it comes to the vocals, some Pinhead Gunpowder, some Crimpshrine. And even though it will never be an all time fave, it takes me back to a time and a place when things were simpler. It makes me dig out long forgotten seven inches. It makes me happy for the better part of an hour. So, once again in the words of the Boss: "Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?"

www.say-10.com

Jeff Rowe - Barstool Conversations

Dear Jeff -

I'll have to admit that it took me some while to get into your record. I will be honest with you: I think the design is god awful, but maybe that's the design nerd in me talking. The cover art is really good, the drawing of the empty bottle is something I would frame and put on my wall, but the typesetting of the lyrics... ouch. So well, that was something that put me off initially - that, and my own thoughts about another punk with another acoustic guitar. You know what I'm talking about.

Personally, I would have picked another opener instead of "Passenger". Don't get me wrong, it's a good song, a great song even, but it just doesn't set the mood. "Chasing Ghosts" or "An Island's Point Of View", however, are songs that do. So yes, you had me after the fifth song, and I went from "Shit, I'm sure this dude has some ugly tattoos and a beard" to "Oh, this is a man I would love to drink with". I kept this CD in my player. I listened to it when I got up in the morning and had my first coffee. I listened to it when I was working. I listened to it to fall asleep to - which might sound lame, I know, but it isn't. Now let me explain...

I think a common misconception about records you can fall asleep to is that they are boring. That's bullshit. I can fall asleep to Cannibal Corpse or Pig Destroyer, because blast beat after blast beat is like a mantra, a brainless one, but a mantra that helps me switch off my thoughts. But this only one side of the coin. The other side are records like yours, and I will gladly put Vic Bondi's Ghost Dances on the list as well, or Bob Mould's Workbook, you name it. They're all intense records, they're all punk records essentially, but they speak a different language: they don't scream at you. They comfort you. They are, for lack of a better analogy, the arms that hug you when you're alone in your bed. Barstool Conversations is one of these records.

It's the kind of record you have to have to learn to appreciate, you have to literally get to know it, like you get to know a stranger in a bar sitting next to you, in these small hours when you're drunk and when the borders between good luck and bad luck, between happiness and sadness start to blur, when you fucking feel like telling your most intimate secrets to complete strangers. And in turn, these strangers sometimes speak words of wisdom, of pure poetry, and you want to write them down on a beer soaked napkin, but you don't. In the morning, it's all forgotten, and all that's left is a feeling. Your songs, however, are still there in the morning.

So well, Jeff, I would like to thank you for this record. I would like to thank you that it made me take a trip to the middle of fucking nowhere, just to see you play. Thanks for that. Thank you for drinking with me, thank you for talking about books and music and life and love and struggles and hardship, thank you for that Descendents cover, thank you for singing that Propagandhi song with me, thank you for the t-shirt, but above all... thank you for that record. And now I know that is supposed to be a review, something that should tell people about how it sounds like, how good or how bad it is, why they should or should not buy it, but I say fuck it. I just can't do that.

And you know what? You were right. It's fucking lame to compare it to let's say Tim Barry or Chuck Ragan. Just because they're punks, and just because they play a similar kind of music doesn't mean shit. They might be your peers, true, your music is at home at The Fest and the Revival Tour, but it also makes sense in the backroom of a bar in the middle of nowhere, it makes sense that you are playing and touring with the fucking Landmines, because at the end of the day, it's about two things that you have put to words a lot better than I ever could:

"I've got a love that makes me weak. I've got friends that are more than are more than blood."

Jeff, thank you for making a difference in at least one person's life. And that's the glory of punk, regardless of style or genre or scene, even in 2010...

Your friend,
Thomas

www.jeffrowemusic.com
www.gunnerrecords.com

Auxes - Ichkannnichtmehr

I tend to put people on a pedestal sometimes. Musicians, artists, writers, people in my life, people I love. I just can't help it. This is part of who I am. When I interviewed Chuck D, I felt like a little kid. (OK, actually I was looking down on Flavor when I bumped into him, but this was more a height thing...) But then again, punk rock has taught me that hero worship is a bunch of shit. If you look up to someone, you make yourself smaller. That's idiotic. One of the best thing about punk rock is that there are people you admire, people that inspire your thoughts and actions, and ultimately your life, but you can see eye to eye. You are peers.

Dave Laney is one of the people that have inspired me, even though we have never talked. He played in Milemarker, he played in Challenger, he published Media Reader, and probably did half a dozen more things that I don't know shit about. I loved the pink Milemarker record to death, and Media Reader made me look at music reviews from a whole new angle:

"We believe that the complete package is essential for a proper review of an "artist", and, even more importantly, of the specific "work of the artist" that you are sending us. We see no separation between art and music (in fact, music is art) and thus review not only the music but also the design and contents of the record."

So, well... Mr Laney is an American gentleman. This album has a German title. He lives in Hamburg now. Does that say anything about the music? Nope. I just thought I'd drop some random info here. And now, in the spirit of Media Reader, let's have at the artwork... awesome! It's extremely simple: just white and pink handwriting on black backgrounds, but it works. In fact, it works much better than an all computerized and clean design work would in this case. The music is dirty, the lyrics are personal, and the artwork reflects just that. Extra bonus points for the tasteful of magenta without letting it even remotely look like some teenie metal "emo" band!

The music... well... it KICKS FUCKING ASS! Maybe I have been listening to too much Black Flag in my life (if that's even possible at all!), but some of the song structures remind me of Black Flag. In fact, the chorus of the first song sounds exactly like "Rise Above" (if you make your own phonetic version of the lyrics, like I do all the time...). The second song, "Bad Luck, Motherfucker", is my favorite song on the whole album, it rocks so hard it's almost ridiculous. And more than that, it makes me feel alive.

So, from one old punk to another: thank you, Dave Laney! Your music is on fire with passion. I can hear it. I can fucking feel it. I can relate to a lot of the lyrics. That was a pretty bad review of a pretty good record, I know. I just feel that I really can't do it any justice by just describing it. Just listen to it, and you'll know what I mean. This is punk rock 2010. There is hope.

www.auxes.com
www.gunnerrecords.com

Spanish Gamble - It's All Coming Down

Maybe it's the summer heat, or maybe it's just my bad humor, but this record offers a lot of things to joke about. So let's crank the volume all the way up and let's get right into it...

One, this is a punk band that's orginally from New Mexico, and eventually they moved to Gainesville. That's not a joke, not even by my low standards, but it should not give you No Idea about the sound. And no, there is no pun that I don't like. Two, the name of one of their guitar players is Randy. That alone is as funny as it is awesome, because every Randy is a good Randy. Another bonus point for Spanish Gamble!

Speaking of which, what does that band name mean? It gives me weird thoughts.

But all GLW/DRKisms aside... shit! How good is this? There's everything a punk record needs in 2010, and then some. Seriously. The songs are catchy as hell, there's even handclaps and bro choruses en masse, booze fuelled vocals, and... guitars. Oh, those guitars. I wouldn't be too surprised if there was a secret lab somewhere in a back alley in Gainesvile, Florida, where beer drinking punks in stained white coats create genetically manipulated punk kids, who, some day, will grow up to play THAT sound. Or like Frankie Stubbs said, "It's all about the sound of a guitar going RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

To sum it all up and to make you rush out and buy this record (*), It's All Coming Down is one hell of a summer record with perfectly crafted songs, and lyrics that might be worth a new tattoo or two:

"I just can't hit erase every time I fuck up. / It's all coming down. / These walls, this room, this whole fucking house. / And I can't take one more step into I'll regret."

(*) Yes, right, I said it. If you consider yourself punk (and even if you DON'T!), buy a record. Don't download it. You can't download vinyl. You can't download a cover and hold it in your hands while you drink beer by the open window and sing along. And that's just a few reasons...

www.paperandplastick.com

Average & Huckey - Ganz schön hässlich

This record is a tricky beast to write about, for a number reasons... one, I really, really like it. A lot. And when I find myself liking a record, it gets hard to write about. Bad reviews easy, good reviews hard. Two, it's kinda old. Not "old" as in 1980s old school old, but it has been out for quite some time now. But then again, GLW/DRK has never been about being up to date, and that's that. And finally, three, it is an Austrian hip hop relase. In Austria, we speak German, or at least a version of German. And since this album (or is it an EP?) has German lyrics, I really wasn't sure whether or not I should write this review in English. It's a hard knock life, I'm tellin' ya. But here it is, in English, because I truly feel that this album can be enjoyed even if you don't understand the language. I know that at least I can like French hip hop, or Turkish hip hop, or Japanese "post-core" without being able to understand a single word.

I have mixed feelings about Austrian hip hop. There are many (new) acts, there are many good acts, but a lot of the output these days is just tee-rash. I don't know, maybe it has to do something with the nature of German language, but, in the words of Markante Handlungen, "muas I eana schau wieda mit da Peitschn deiten, wei's die Deitschen biten!". Average and Huckey don't do that. They do their very, very own thing, and it's easy to admit I am stoked.

Ganz schön hässlich is some kind of a concept album, very loosely based on the 19th century children's book "Der Struwwelpeter" by Heinrich Hoffmann. (There is an awesome adaption by Bob Staake available from Fantagraphics, and there was an anti-fascist version during WW2, called "Struwwelhitler".) There are six tracks about the stories in the book, and then there are 5 more remixes. Average is a young (dope!) MC, and Huckey is an old (dope!) MC, so it's pretty much like this, only with words and rhymes. It would be wrong that say that me and Huckey are friends, but we have known each for quite a while now, and that relationship goes back to the days of his old bands, Target of Demand and Seven Sioux, so I am more than stoked to see that he still kicks ass. (He actually never stopped kicking ass, and this is the evidence.)

So what has to be said about this record are three things:

1. The beats are amazing. The choice of samples is great. The cuts are right on. Seriously, this is up there with the best of the best.
2. The words and rhymes and the flow are top of the game, and they are one of a kind. There has been no Austrian release like this before, drawing influence from a classic piece of literature, turning into something unique and original, and above all, pushing limits and staying "true to the game".
3. Kamp makes an appearance, and so does Flip from Texta, and the features and the remixers don't ruin it, in fact they add a little extra something.

Ganz schön hässlich is a hip hop record for the heads and for people who don't even like the music. It's everything that made hip hop so amazing in the first place, it's deep and fresh, and it works in the club just as well as it does on your headphones. Big up!

www.tontraeger-records.com

Young Livers - Of Misery And Toil

Something about this record screams "No Idea", and I can't quite put my finger on it. Sure enough, they're from Florida (well, at least 3/4 of them), they rock hard, scream, and - dare I say it - well, yes, they are standing on the shoulders of giants, who, for what it's worth, never ever could pull off an album like Of Misery And Toil anymore. But still, there is something underneath all the noise and melody and gruffness that makes Young Livers stand out.

Maybe it's the fact that this record came into my life at the right time. Maybe it's got something to do with a desperate need for someone to tell me that everything will be OK, no matter how hard it seems sometimes. Lines like "We face up to look down. We breathe out just to hear something else." just ring a bell. There is hope. Repeat: there is hope.

Music is just sound, and books are nothing but words, but they serve a deeper purpose. They help us humans to understand the universe. They explain things. They make you feel less alone, and less miserable. And sometimes, music and words touch your soul.

The feeling I get from this record, way beyond the screaming and beyond the realization of "Hey, wait, they didn't have all these hard rock guitar melodies on the first album", is this: there are times when we, as humans, feel completely lost and lonely and desperate, and we think that no one can relate to the pain we feel. It becomes something universal, bigger than life itself, and we become so absorbed with it that we just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is the task of the poet that make us feel less alone, to touch our hearts and minds, to explain things, to make us understand. And fuck yes, drunk punk rockers from Florida can be the true poet that touches your heart and soul every now and then. Young Livers did that to me.

Behind this wall of noise, there is a soothing beauty. Behind all the screaming, you can find stories of desperation and fucking up, of falling down - and, more important than anything else! - of getting the fuck back up again, brushing off the dirt and tears, and asking the universe: "Is that all you have to fucking offer?"

There is hope in failure. There is hope in pain. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Always. We only need a little reminder now and then. My own personal reminder sounds fucking amazing and is called Of Misery And Toil.

"It's veiled now in our patience. It's kindled in remorse. Failed, as we have become what we loathe."

www.noidearecords.com

Ninja Gun - Restless Rubes

Sometimes it's a good thing if I don't write a review right away. Some things need time. Some things only make sense when the time is right. When I first listened to Restless Rubes, I was like "uhm, well, ok". Today is March 1st. Today is the first real warm and sunny day of the year, and all of a sudden it all clicked, and it all made sense.

I guess Ninja Gun are punk kids at heart. They did split EPs with Fake Problems and the mighty Whiskey & Co., and their lyrics clearly show where they come from - but still, Restless Rubes is a pop record. And no, that's not a contradiction. I mean, come on... fucking London Calling is the prime example of a pop record made by punks. So there.

First of all, the production is superb. "Superb" in a major label, big budget kind of way, but without sounding too slick and polished. There is a certain depth and warmth to the sound that makes a whole lot of dirt shine through. And if you know me, you know how much I love dirt - or, in the words of Jason Jessee: "I like to fall on my face. I like to hurt myself. I like everything!"

So what we have here is a pop album that might appeal to three old boys and aging ex-punks at the same time, and this is something that doesn't happen every day. When I still had a regular 9 to 5 day job, I would play Samiam and Sense Field all the time, because I fucking loved these bands (still do!) and nobody felt annoyed. Ninja Gun should be filed in the same category. Sure enough, this isn't a record to piss off frat boys and cops and co-workers, but what the fuck... this is 2010, and a Born Again$t t-shirt is not going to change the world.

Restless Rubes might not make it into any top 10 lists this year, it might not become anybody's favorite record, but if you seriously give it two or three chances, it's a rock solid album that you will find yourself coming back to. You might even dig it so much that you will save three copies from a sales CD bin as birthday presents. In the meantime, I will keep my fingers crossed that it actually does not end up in sales bins. It's simply too good for that.

www.ninjagun.com
www.gunnerrecords.com

Fist A Ferret / Slaves To The Grind - Split 7"

Oh well... I admit it: guilty as charged. I have put off reviewing this little fucker for quite some time. Not because I don't like it, but because I wasn't quite sure what to make of it... I'm still not sure. But anyway, these are my thoughts:

1. It looks like shit. Seriously. The brown cover looks like a print job gone horribly wrong. Intentional? I have no clue. All I know is that even if I was a dedicated fan, I would never in my life pick this up in a record store, EVER.

2. Fist A Ferret must be one of the worst band names of all times. I'm sure that there is half way funny inside joke behind the name, but that doesn't make it any better. But then again, Hüsker Dü was a band name so incredibly bad... and who am I to complain?!

2a. Fist A Ferret even the score by calling their "label" (or whatever it is) Simmering Noise Productions. And if you know me, you'll know that two out of these three words mean a lot to me. I love noise. I would defend my 'hood to my last breath. Simmering rules, 1110 for life. There, I said it.

3. Whoah, nice sample! If you're not from Austria, you probably have no clue who Dagmar Koller is... but if you are, you will fucking appreciate this timeless and immortal quote!

4. I do like the music actually. Fast, fast, fast, no bullshit, violent hardcore. Dual vocals. Makes me think of Infest at times, a little bit of Spazz, some random 625 and Slap-A-Ham stuff, early Napalm Death and Unseen Terror, and damn, there's even some From Ashes Rise guitar lines thrown in the mix. On hyper speed, of course.

5. Slaves To The Grind is another REALLY BAD band name.

5a. Fuck them! Their name sounds like a Skid Row record (plus one letter), and they don't even sound like Skid Row.

5b. No, wait a second... I'll take that back. They made me wanna listen to cock rock again, so no "fuck them". Cool? Cool.

6. Do yourself a favor... never EVER look at their band photos. Their drummer is a fucking hippie, in a crust punk way. And like the lyrics to Saint Vitus' "Clear Windowpane", he's probably got "things living in his hair". Yikes.

7. Slaves To The Grind only know two speeds: fast and faster. Even though "playing a solid groove at 190 bpm can not be considered fast in 2009, BOLLOCK!" ... well, you know... sorry to say that, but I've heard it all before.

8. Now don't get me wrong - this is not a bad record. And these bands are probably the bomb at 3 AM in a squat basement... it's just that I don't go to 3 AM shows in squat basements anymore.

9. From a purely economic point of view, 12 songs on 7 inches are a pretty good deal... if the Bleeaauurrggh compilations never happened!

10. Oh, fuck it. Buy this record! If you're a young punk, it might just change your life. If you're old jaded like me, it might remind you of your glory days when Terrorizer was all the rage.

www.fistaferret.tk
www.slavestothegrind.se

Kodiak / Nadja - Split

All the way back in 1992, I bought a record. That record sucked so bad it was hard to believe. Eighteen years later, I can listen to it on an occassional basis without the urge to pierce my eardrums. I was a young snotty punk in 1992. In 2010, I am an old man. Old men sometimes sit on their couches with coffee and listen to boring records. This is how we do. But old men also get records in the mail, and don't buy a lot of stuff anymore - at least not because someone told them that there's this "masterpiece" out there. I have heard it all before. And here's a promise: I will never ever buy another Melvins record. I bought "Lysol" in 1992 because fucking Kurt Cobain said they were his favorite band, and that this record sounded like side B of "My War", and what I got for my hard earned cash was a shit sandwich on vinyl, and the deep conviction that the fucking Melvins are one of the most overrated bands of all times, right after the Beatles.

Eighteen years later, I find a record in my mail box that makes "Lysol" seem to be the masterpiece I was told it'd be.

Kodiak are from Germany. And shit, their "song" is just like the German Autobahn: long and boring. It takes them a good ten minutes to even find their drums in the studio, while someone puts a poor excuse for a piano sample over it, trying to be Varg Vikernes. Listen, Kai-Uwe, you can put your pedal to the metal on the Autobahn, and speed up things, race past the other BMWs. Why the fuck would you stay in the first lane, and drive your Volkswagen at the speed of a turtle? But oh, behold! Things just got even worse...

Nadja isn't even a band name. It's the name of an Eastern European prostitute. But damn, Polish hookers are probably a lot more fun than this band. Is it even a band? Or just one socially handicapped dude? Call me ignorant, but this is garbage. It's just white noise. Nothing ever happens here at all. And to put things like "recorded / composed / performed live in the studio blahblah" on your cover doesn't make it art, it just makes you look even more like the arrogant asshole that you are.

I never thought that I would say this in public, but records like this one make me want to listen to bullshit like the Locust. Or even the entire Bob Dylan discography. And that, my friends, is a form of torture that's probably outlawed in most civilized countries. Except Germany.

www.denovali.com
www.denovali.com/kodiak
www.nadjaluv.ca

The Takers - Taker Easy

Well, I think it's safe to say that your attention span is probably that of an amoeba if you are browsing tEh intOrwebz for bands and music reviews, so I'll keep it short for you: this is country music played by punks. From Gainesville, Florida. Two people from Whiskey & Co. also play in The Takers. And it's a great fucking record. Now go out and buy this. Thank you. You can now close your browser window.

(End transmission.)

But if you like to read more, be my guest. I was stoked when this album arrived here. Country music, punks, Florida, drinking songs, how could I go wrong? The answer is easy: if you like traditional music, this should be on your shopping list. The early 1970s saw the rise of a movement called "outlaw country", taken from a Waylon Jennings song. In retrospect it's kind of funny to think about Waylon Jennings or even Willie Nelson as outlaws, when there's people like Hank Williams III or even David Allen Coe taking things much, much further in every aspect. But hey, then again... the Sex Pistols were once called "punk", and look at them now. So there.

So in that sense, yes, The Takers are outlaws: the nice kind of outlaws, with "one hand on the bottle, one foot in the grave." They are punks. Their brand of country is PUNK without a doubt, even though it doesn't sound like it. Your dad might like it. What makes it punk is that they take a genre of music that's traditionally reactionary and conversative, even unabashedly racist and nationalist at times, and put it back where it belongs: in the hands of the people. There is no ambition for stardom, for radio play, for money and groupies, it's just about putting feelings in a song. It's about fucking up and losing, being honest about it, and still flipping the bird to the man and the bosses. In my book, this is much more punk than clean cut white middle class straight edge kids talking about a "crew" or whatever. This is real music by real people. This is a great record.

www.suburbanhomerecords.com

Switchblade - Switchblade (2009)

"Be loud, be slow, as the march of celestial time."

This is a hard record to write about. Damn, it even is a hard record to listen to. But then again, what do you expect from a band that releases five self-titled records in ten years, and doesn't even have song titles? A fucking top ten radio hit?!

I am not too fond of the new wave of "drone" or "funeral doom", because let's face it: most the time it's nothing but completely talentless hippies who can't play good enough to keep beat releasing overpriced limited edition bullshit. Fortunately, Switchblade don't seem to be hippies. They're ex-punks. They didn't mellow out with age, they didn't try to come up with any "artistic statements", they did not "experiment with new frequencies", they just created record after record and got better and better. And totally unlike most of their peers in the world of slow music, Switchblade don't fuck around with bombastic arrangements. Everything about this record is so pure and simple it almost hurts.

Their fellow Swedes Abruptum have often been hailed as "the audial essence of pure black evil", and every second fat Black Metal chick believed it and bought their incredibly awful records to shock their parents just because some douchebag told them to. I can only imagine what Switchblade would do to them... just a notch above Sunn O))) when it comes to "beats", this band demands a lot from the listener. What might seem scary at first (or, as Jawbreaker said, "funny like a funeral") is in fact breathtakingly beautiful. Because... well, true beauty lies in darkness. Pain is not bad per se. All things must end. A black t-shirt is cooler than a white one. And so on and so fucking further, ad infinitum and ad nauseam. It's a useless task tyring to describe this music, or trying to convince you to buy this record - because it's either you do, or you don't. If you're straight edge, you probably won't like Bukwoski. If you think that Cradle of Filth is evil black metal, you can go get fucked. And that, my friends, is the point I am trying to make.

This album is one of the best and most intense records of the year. The album cover is aboslutely stellar. They're only a trio, but they make a shitload of noise. Turn off the lights, motherfucker.

www.switchblade.se
www.trustnoonerecordings.com

The Spits - The Spits IV

Fuck you. I hate this record.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? The temperature has dropped, it gets dark way too soon, it's cold like my beer should be, and I'd usually listen to Darkthrone at this time of the year. Or Winter. Or Bathory. But oh no, the fucking Spits have nothing better to do than release a new record. Fuck you. I want to be miserable, hate the world, and not leave the apartment. I certainly don't want to sit on my couch with a big grin and tap my feet because this album is SO AMAZING. I hate the Spits for recording this, and I hate Recess for putting this out.

That said, it's a textbook example of a punk rock record. Ten songs in less than 16 minutes, dumb as shit and smart at the same time, and it even sounds like shit. If I'd go to a record store and the person behind the counter would tell me that it's some long lost proto punk band from let's say 1979, I'd believe them, buy the record, and tell all my friends about it to make me seem cooler than I actually am. (Of course, I would bust my ass trying to look up their early EPs on the internet, and not find anything, but this is how us music nerds usually spend our evenings.)

While I was typing these three paragraphs, I have listened to this record twice. It's only 16 minutes. And since it sounds even cooler if you pitch it up a notch, it might have been only 12 minutes. Faster is better.

www.thespits.com
www.recessrecords.com

Hitch - Clair Obscur

Hitch is one of the most underrated bands in Europe ever. They have been around for 15 years now, and that's a a lot longer than your crappy band will ever be playing - that, and Hitch have the dedication necessary for pulling it all off. But let me give you an example: let's say three kids start a band. 99% of them just can not rock tight enough with even the most sophisticated studio tricks and five million guitar tracks. They want instant gratification instead. They want a record, they want a tour, they want to be all the rage on every "cool" messageboard. That's boring. Because even the most "punk" bands are conservative beyond belief. Instant crowd pleaser: Negative Approach cover song. Secret recipe for five minutes of fame: super limited colored vinyl. Style maybe, substance no.

And this is exactly what makes Hitch more punk than most punk bands, regardless of the musical style. They just play whatever feels natural. And it sounds great! Of course this kind of greatness isn't everybody's definition of "great", but sure enough it rocks my boat. Clair Obscur combines the sexyness of Girls Against Boys, the post rock tightness of Quicksand, a little bit of Steve Albini worship, the rock urgency of Drive Like Jehu, and of course it sounds like Fugazi every now and then. And seriously, I don't care whether or not you will dig this. Because Hitch have been around when you were still swimming in daddy's nutsack, and Hitch will still be a force to be reckoned with when you finally get what's up and start looking for their records on Ebay. In the meantime, I will blast Clair Obscur at full volume - because it's one hell of an album. Because it makes me happy. Because it fucking rocks. Thanks, Hitch.

www.hitch.be
www.vlasvegas.be

Virgins - Miscarriage

"Next year things won't be so bad / I know you're sick of being sad / I'm skipping my own funeral."

Dear Virgins, thank you for a kick ass record! Thank you for restoring my faith in punk rock, which definitely is not the simplest of things to do in 2009. I don't know you as people, but if the ten songs on Miscarriage say anything about you, then I'd like to shake your hands and share a drink. Or seven.

But anyway, this is supposed to be a record review, and not a letter of fandom - even though I pretty much became a fan boy the moment I popped in this CD. The roaring guitars in the first 15 seconds of "Another's Gun" were enough to get me hooked and keep my glued to the stereo, in all their as-if-Frankie-Stubbs-was-playing-Rites-Of-Spring- songs glory. (Note to self: Should I ever finish my magnum opus, the Comprehensive Guide to Punk Rock for Complete Dummies, I will make sure to include a lengthy chapter about what will referred to as the "fuck yeah factor" by future generations.)

So yes, the Virgins rule. Their band name in connection with the album title is probably more punk than your entire lame record collection. And it's so fucking easy to see why: these dudes are angry. Like, super pissed off for a reason. And this, dear message board hero, is because they have a reason for all that rage. This world is a shit hole, and once mom and dad stop putting money in your pocket, this shit will really hit the fan like fucking napalm. There is a giant difference between their anger and your anger. Let me explain.

It's cool if you're 20 and feel alienated. Everybody does. But what the fuck are you angry about? What do you rebel against? The price of soy milk if you're vegan? Your parents? The bombardment of Gaza (pro or con), if you're book smart enough because of your political science college classes? Yeah, right. But this is exactly why your crappy band sucks so much... you have nothing to scream about, apart from being stabbed in the back by another PC punk douchebag maybe. But this is just the cartoon version of being angry, pretty much like Donald Duck squeaking his head off. In other words: it gets boring pretty soon when you're older than three.

The Virgins, on the other hand, boy... they do what every great punk band does: they are mad at the world, they write songs about it, but - and this is the main difference - they do something about it, even if it's just writing songs to make their own miserable lives a little bit better. These songs have substance, they breathe, they are alive with emotion. They are about what the thousands of songs that saved thousands of lives are about: the human experience. And if punk is not about that, it's about nothing at all.

Dear Virgins, thank you!

www.kissofdeathrecords.com