Kodiak / Nadja - Split

All the way back in 1992, I bought a record. That record sucked so bad it was hard to believe. Eighteen years later, I can listen to it on an occassional basis without the urge to pierce my eardrums. I was a young snotty punk in 1992. In 2010, I am an old man. Old men sometimes sit on their couches with coffee and listen to boring records. This is how we do. But old men also get records in the mail, and don't buy a lot of stuff anymore - at least not because someone told them that there's this "masterpiece" out there. I have heard it all before. And here's a promise: I will never ever buy another Melvins record. I bought "Lysol" in 1992 because fucking Kurt Cobain said they were his favorite band, and that this record sounded like side B of "My War", and what I got for my hard earned cash was a shit sandwich on vinyl, and the deep conviction that the fucking Melvins are one of the most overrated bands of all times, right after the Beatles.

Eighteen years later, I find a record in my mail box that makes "Lysol" seem to be the masterpiece I was told it'd be.

Kodiak are from Germany. And shit, their "song" is just like the German Autobahn: long and boring. It takes them a good ten minutes to even find their drums in the studio, while someone puts a poor excuse for a piano sample over it, trying to be Varg Vikernes. Listen, Kai-Uwe, you can put your pedal to the metal on the Autobahn, and speed up things, race past the other BMWs. Why the fuck would you stay in the first lane, and drive your Volkswagen at the speed of a turtle? But oh, behold! Things just got even worse...

Nadja isn't even a band name. It's the name of an Eastern European prostitute. But damn, Polish hookers are probably a lot more fun than this band. Is it even a band? Or just one socially handicapped dude? Call me ignorant, but this is garbage. It's just white noise. Nothing ever happens here at all. And to put things like "recorded / composed / performed live in the studio blahblah" on your cover doesn't make it art, it just makes you look even more like the arrogant asshole that you are.

I never thought that I would say this in public, but records like this one make me want to listen to bullshit like the Locust. Or even the entire Bob Dylan discography. And that, my friends, is a form of torture that's probably outlawed in most civilized countries. Except Germany.

www.denovali.com
www.denovali.com/kodiak
www.nadjaluv.ca