A few days ago, the Side One Dummy website read that the artwork for the new Gaslight Anthem album had been "unveiled", and I was already skeptical. Unveiled?! What the fuck? A long lost Van Gogh painting? Or even a new Banksy piece? Either way, I figured, it must be special...
And yes, it is special indeed. "Special" in a Special Olympics way.
All right, I am the first to admit that the artwork for The '59 Sound was one giant step forward from the visual atrocity known as Sink Or Swim. And let's not forget that Señor and the Queen looks fucking awesome... (That said, please check out www.giantsquidletterpress.com for a lot of really amazing letterpress artwork!) So well, yes, this band had developed a really strong visual identity over the years, one that even I could enjoy.
But let's be honest, the new cover... ouch! I actually like the idea, but that's where it ends. Maybe the only good thing I can say about it is that it was quite smart to use the same typeface as on '59 again. What totally ruins it is that white border around everything... it looks like some World of Warcraft playing douchebag from the Gaslight Anthem's bible group came up with the concept of making the record look "used" and "old", but one Photoshop lesson after sunday school just wasn't enough to pull it off. Seriously, it's looking putting this picture on top of that cover. Why not poop on it?
(Please excuse me for a moment... must... empty... stomach...)
On with the sweetness, baby! The album title in that black box on the bottom corner... what's that? Did you forget to add it in your 72 DPI preview file? I am not even mentioning the arrangement of the photos here. It wouldn't take any amputee who has to click the mouse with his toes longer than let's say ten minutes to crop them properly!
But the cream of the crap (oops, crop, I mean...) is the knuckle duster right under the label logo. I am not even blaming the graphic "designer" here, maybe it was just a smart business move. "Dude, well, you know, dude, we need to expand our target audience... let's not forget our old fans. You know, dude, that chick in Poophole, Ohio, was all over me... I want her to buy the record at Hot Topic!" NO! NO! NO! What's next then? Girlie shirts in XS that are flexible enough to fit a whale if stretched properly?
Dear whoever-did-this-cover, I would love to meet you and shake your hand. You must be a fucking genius. Not when it comes to graphic design, sorry, but I'm sure you got a big bag full of money to commit offense to all my sensiblities, and that makes you one hell of a business man. Oh, and by the way, you owe me a meal. The one I had today wouldn't remain in my belly.
While going through my negatives recently, I discovered the photo above. Is it just me, or does it really look like this?
Anyway, it made me think of something Henry Rollins once said:
"When I was 18, I wanted to fuck on the floor and break shit. When I was 25, I wanted to fuck on the floor and break shit. When I was 35, I wanted to fuck on the floor and break shit. Now I'm 40 and I wanna fuck on the floor and break shit."
Sometimes it's a good thing if I don't write a review right away. Some things need time. Some things only make sense when the time is right. When I first listened to Restless Rubes, I was like "uhm, well, ok". Today is March 1st. Today is the first real warm and sunny day of the year, and all of a sudden it all clicked, and it all made sense.
I guess Ninja Gun are punk kids at heart. They did split EPs with Fake Problems and the mighty Whiskey & Co., and their lyrics clearly show where they come from - but still, Restless Rubes is a pop record. And no, that's not a contradiction. I mean, come on... fucking London Calling is the prime example of a pop record made by punks. So there.
First of all, the production is superb. "Superb" in a major label, big budget kind of way, but without sounding too slick and polished. There is a certain depth and warmth to the sound that makes a whole lot of dirt shine through. And if you know me, you know how much I love dirt - or, in the words of Jason Jessee: "I like to fall on my face. I like to hurt myself. I like everything!" So what we have here is a pop album that might appeal to three old boys and aging ex-punks at the same time, and this is something that doesn't happen every day. When I still had a regular 9 to 5 day job, I would play Samiam and Sense Field all the time, because I fucking loved these bands (still do!) and nobody felt annoyed. Ninja Gun should be filed in the same category. Sure enough, this isn't a record to piss off frat boys and cops and co-workers, but what the fuck... this is 2010, and a Born Again$t t-shirt is not going to change the world.
Restless Rubes might not make it into any top 10 lists this year, it might not become anybody's favorite record, but if you seriously give it two or three chances, it's a rock solid album that you will find yourself coming back to. You might even dig it so much that you will save three copies from a sales CD bin as birthday presents. In the meantime, I will keep my fingers crossed that it actually does not end up in sales bins. It's simply too good for that.
Oh well... I admit it: guilty as charged. I have put off reviewing this little fucker for quite some time. Not because I don't like it, but because I wasn't quite sure what to make of it... I'm still not sure. But anyway, these are my thoughts:
1. It looks like shit. Seriously. The brown cover looks like a print job gone horribly wrong. Intentional? I have no clue. All I know is that even if I was a dedicated fan, I would never in my life pick this up in a record store, EVER.
2. Fist A Ferret must be one of the worst band names of all times. I'm sure that there is half way funny inside joke behind the name, but that doesn't make it any better. But then again, Hüsker Dü was a band name so incredibly bad... and who am I to complain?!
2a. Fist A Ferret even the score by calling their "label" (or whatever it is) Simmering Noise Productions. And if you know me, you'll know that two out of these three words mean a lot to me. I love noise. I would defend my 'hood to my last breath. Simmering rules, 1110 for life. There, I said it.
3. Whoah, nice sample! If you're not from Austria, you probably have no clue who Dagmar Koller is... but if you are, you will fucking appreciate this timeless and immortal quote!
4. I do like the music actually. Fast, fast, fast, no bullshit, violent hardcore. Dual vocals. Makes me think of Infest at times, a little bit of Spazz, some random 625 and Slap-A-Ham stuff, early Napalm Death and Unseen Terror, and damn, there's even some From Ashes Rise guitar lines thrown in the mix. On hyper speed, of course.
5. Slaves To The Grind is another REALLY BAD band name.
5a. Fuck them! Their name sounds like a Skid Row record (plus one letter), and they don't even sound like Skid Row.
5b. No, wait a second... I'll take that back. They made me wanna listen to cock rock again, so no "fuck them". Cool? Cool.
6. Do yourself a favor... never EVER look at their band photos. Their drummer is a fucking hippie, in a crust punk way. And like the lyrics to Saint Vitus' "Clear Windowpane", he's probably got "things living in his hair". Yikes.
7. Slaves To The Grind only know two speeds: fast and faster. Even though "playing a solid groove at 190 bpm can not be considered fast in 2009, BOLLOCK!" ... well, you know... sorry to say that, but I've heard it all before.
8. Now don't get me wrong - this is not a bad record. And these bands are probably the bomb at 3 AM in a squat basement... it's just that I don't go to 3 AM shows in squat basements anymore.
9. From a purely economic point of view, 12 songs on 7 inches are a pretty good deal... if the Bleeaauurrggh compilations never happened!
10. Oh, fuck it. Buy this record! If you're a young punk, it might just change your life. If you're old jaded like me, it might remind you of your glory days when Terrorizer was all the rage.
All the way back in 1992, I bought a record. That record sucked so bad it was hard to believe. Eighteen years later, I can listen to it on an occassional basis without the urge to pierce my eardrums. I was a young snotty punk in 1992. In 2010, I am an old man. Old men sometimes sit on their couches with coffee and listen to boring records. This is how we do. But old men also get records in the mail, and don't buy a lot of stuff anymore - at least not because someone told them that there's this "masterpiece" out there. I have heard it all before. And here's a promise: I will never ever buy another Melvins record. I bought "Lysol" in 1992 because fucking Kurt Cobain said they were his favorite band, and that this record sounded like side B of "My War", and what I got for my hard earned cash was a shit sandwich on vinyl, and the deep conviction that the fucking Melvins are one of the most overrated bands of all times, right after the Beatles.
Eighteen years later, I find a record in my mail box that makes "Lysol" seem to be the masterpiece I was told it'd be.
Kodiak are from Germany. And shit, their "song" is just like the German Autobahn: long and boring. It takes them a good ten minutes to even find their drums in the studio, while someone puts a poor excuse for a piano sample over it, trying to be Varg Vikernes. Listen, Kai-Uwe, you can put your pedal to the metal on the Autobahn, and speed up things, race past the other BMWs. Why the fuck would you stay in the first lane, and drive your Volkswagen at the speed of a turtle? But oh, behold! Things just got even worse...
Nadja isn't even a band name. It's the name of an Eastern European prostitute. But damn, Polish hookers are probably a lot more fun than this band. Is it even a band? Or just one socially handicapped dude? Call me ignorant, but this is garbage. It's just white noise. Nothing ever happens here at all. And to put things like "recorded / composed / performed live in the studio blahblah" on your cover doesn't make it art, it just makes you look even more like the arrogant asshole that you are.
I never thought that I would say this in public, but records like this one make me want to listen to bullshit like the Locust. Or even the entire Bob Dylan discography. And that, my friends, is a form of torture that's probably outlawed in most civilized countries. Except Germany.
"Victim In Pain by Agnostic Front is one of my favorite records of all time, it's classical music. If you don't know this album I highly recommend that you get familiar with it. Don't be scared away by the misleading artwork, although that's part of the album's "Power" (title of a song on VIP) AF's music fights against fascism and the attitudes of fascists ("Fascist Attitudes")
I think cavemen would have liked Victim In Pain better than anything Mozart ever came up with, or the Beatles. If you had to get psyched up to kill a Wooly Mammoth, would you listen to The Beatles with Sgt. Pepper on french horn or Victim In Pain with Vinny Stigma on lead? I can almost hear the cave men screaming (if they had developed language) STIGMA!!!
It's timeless music, post apocalypse Mad Max people will be rocking to it in a thousand years. Do you think anyone is gonna give a shit about The Shins when you could be raped, lit on fire, dragged by a motorcycle and killed for a liter of gas (which kind of defeats the purpose)? Shit, Apes from Planet Of The Apes would love AF, though the Chimps and Orangutans maybe not as much.
Anyhoo, it's not a music competition, I like The Shins and there is a place for them too but I think that Victim In Pain is more important and unique in the evolution of music, art, mankind, that it goes beyond indie rock and steps into Smithsonian Institute territory.
For that reason I covered AF's "Society Suckers" from Victim In Pain. My version doesn't approach the aggressive power of the original but I had fun interpreting it, an homage. I think of it as classic folk song like "This Land Is Your Land", I wish Woody Guthrie would do a version in the time/space continuum."
